Is your infant emotionally healthy?

It’s the small day-to-day interactions between parents and babies that lay the groundwork for an emotionally healthy child.

Parents have dozens of questions and often feel overwhelmed when it comes to their child’s development. They don’t want to make mistakes that impact their children’s emotional and physical health. They worry constantly … is their infant crying too much or too little, why has their baby not rolled over yet at 5 months, why is there no eye contact between mother and infant, why isn’t the baby wanting to play … There are a lot of worries about their child developing age-appropriately and bonding with their parents.

The worry never seems to end.

As a master level psychologist and a Level II certified infant family specialist, I can help relieve some of that worry. My goal is to make sure infants, toddlers and young children have strong, secure connections with their parents and are developing as emotionally healthy children. The process begins much earlier than most parents think: it starts during pregnancy and continues through infancy, toddler age, preschool and into young adulthood.

During pregnancy, babies can hear their parents’ voices; they can sense when they are happy, sad, angry or depressed, and these voice tones affect the infant growing inside mom. In addition, a baby’s brain grows rapidly during the first few years of life, and each positive experience helps shape the brain and the foundation for an emotionally healthy experience with parents. That is why bonding and attachment with your infant is especially important in the first year of a child’s life.

Extensive research has shown that when parents provide responsive, protective, warm, loving and consistent care, babies will grow into healthy, confident, resilient and emotionally thriving children and young adults.

Unfortunately, the challenges of a growing baby sometimes become unmanageable. Parents express frustration, and the child – sensing the frustration – responds negatively, creating even more emotional issues between parents and the child.

Parents often forget their children’s brains are like sponges. They absorb sights, sounds, feelings and non-verbal language quickly. Many experts in child development believe that young children often are the most neglected population because parents don’t realize an infant’s emotional health development begins so early.

Babies can have emotional problems in infancy. In fact, depression as well as attachment issues have been observed in babies as young as 2 to 3 months old.

Trained infant mental health therapists are equipped with the unique knowledge and skills to observe and assess the emotional health of babies. We are trained to identify mental health concerns, explore and assess relationship conflicts that are impacting an infant or young child’s emotional development, and offer a plan for parents to help improve the parent/baby bond.

As an infant mental health therapist, I will meet with the parents and babies together, and observe – through play therapy – their interactions, emotions, verbal and non-verbal cues, the babies’ responses to their parents, and their connection. I observe the child’s temperament, facial expressions, body language when interacting with their parents, eye contact, and how they play together. It is surprising how many parents do not know how to play with their babies.

Infants are wired for connection. Are parents making active eye contact with their children when interacting with them? How often are they hugging their children or gently caressing them, talking to them or smiling at them? It’s the small day-to-day interactions between parents and babies that lay the groundwork for an emotionally healthy child.

Remember: your baby needs you more than anyone else. Babies need to feel loved, secure and understood. I work with parents as early as pregnancy and as late as age 6 to ensure the parent/child bond is loving, nurturing and secure.

I tell parents: your children have something to communicate. It is up to you as the adult to learn their language and respond to their needs. Babies will remember their earliest relationship experiences, and this is where trust begins. It is here that the foundation for all emotional, cognitive and social development begins.

When working with families, I provide them with some techniques and actions that are attachment-focused to help improve their bond with their children and ultimately, strengthen the child’s emotional well-being. When parents consistently respond in a nurturing way to an infant’s needs, a trusting relationship and attachment will develop. This sets the stage for the growing child to enter healthy relationships with other people throughout life. Parents who give lots of love and attention to their babies help them develop strong attachments. This affection can help the child grow, learn and connect with others.

I remind parents not to be overprotective or paranoid. I often remind them to relax. Their child can sense stress and will react accordingly.

If you are not sure if you can use the help of an infant mental health therapist, here are a few signs you may want to talk with a professional:

• Your child has temper tantrums that last longer than three minutes.

• Your child is not eating or is a picky eater.

• Your child is 2 years old and is not talking.

• Your child regularly turns his head away from you.

• Your child wants to play alone.

• If parents are divorced, the child’s behavior may change from one house to the other.

I also remind parents that as the baby grows, expect shifts in behavior. What worked once may not work anymore. For example, if you find your child no longer is listening to you, there is a good chance your child’s mind is exploring, and they just didn’t hear you because their mind was at work elsewhere.

I also want to point out that some bonding issues can be a result of parents not knowing how to play with their children and they end up playing alone. In one therapy session, I took out a Chutes and Ladders game, and I asked the child if mom could play the game with us, and the child said “no, I don’t want mom to play.” Gradually, through mom’s positive actions and eagerness to play with her child, the child said, “yes.”

In another instance, the mother of a 4-year-old girl was worried because her daughter wasn’t eating. She discussed the issue with her pediatrician who offered a few suggestions, but none worked. Through my therapy session, I learned the little girl did not like her food touching other food on the plate. Mom separated the food into different dishes, and the little girl ate her entire meal.

Here are a few simple actions I have offered parents that have improved their attachment and bonding:

• Make eye contact with your baby as much as possible. Keep them close so they can feel your body against theirs.

• Learn to differentiate between the baby’s cues and different cries.

• Give your baby attention when they cry. The sound of your soothing voice and touch may help dry their tears. Getting upset only will upset your child more.

• Look into your baby’s eyes during feeding and while changing their diaper. Talk to them, smile, laugh or sing. This is a great time for bonding.

• Talk to your baby often – they may try to mimic the sounds you’re making.

• If your baby is lying on the floor and has not yet been able to sit up on their own, spend time on the floor with them playing games and rolling around with them.

If you are struggling, hope is quickly accessible from a trained infant mental health therapist. Think of this person as an added member of the caregiving team who will provide resources to build an emotionally healthy life for your child. But don’t wait too long. If you see some red flags or feel your child is not meeting developmental milestones, set up a consultation.